Bad Habits.

Some things in life are just too addictive. You start doing them and you just can't stop. Most people have been part of an addiction at least once or twice in their life which they usually refer at as "a hobby". As long as you keep enjoying this hobby of yours, and as long as it doesn't cost you valuable time from your life, everything is fine. You kill some time, perhaps also have fun and possibly meet new people. But what happens when this hobby slowly begins to take up most of your time,and people near you begin to notice that you devote less and less time to them?
Things can get really ugly, I should know. I used to play a game,called World of Warcraft (WoW).You may or may not have heard of it stranger, odds are that you have.I began playing casually,but slowly while I was playing, I realized that there was some serious competition involved in that game.The more you were playing,the better your character would be. I am a competitive person by nature,stranger. I like being the best at what I do. These facts combined, I ended up spending more and more time in this game,ignoring many people in my life, such as my friends (those who had not yet succumbed to it already at least) and more importantly, my girlfriend Christine.I was addicted, it was functioning like a drug for me.All the attempts my relatives and family were making to wake me up, make me realize that it was just a waste of time playing 6-7 hours per day were in vain.All I was seeing were pixels in front of a computer screen changing shapes and colors.Yes, I did meet some worthy people in that game, even made some friends.But I almost stopped meeting Christine and hanging out with my friends.I was becoming an e-zombie,playing WoW all day. I was someone else in that game,someone i enjoying being.I was leading groups of adventurers into raiding a mythical monster's lair,instructing them and guiding them, and simultaneously losing my social life and money.I was so deeply addicted, that apart from the countless hours I would spend playing the game, I would often visit other sites and learn how to make WoW gold, or learn which the last piece of good equipment for my character was.
Four years I was playing that game. Looking back now, I want them back.But I know nobody can give them back to me. All I am left with are the experiences I had in game and at least some of them are quite nice, I might add. Maybe I was supposed to learn something from all these years. Move on, evaluate some things in life that are usually taken for granted.And I did.
After I stopped WoW and became semi-social again, I started appreciating the small joys of life a bit more, became more talkative and generally a happier person.I promised not to ever let a bad habit-or hobby for that matter- take over all my spare time again and instead divide this valuable gift in many different activities.If you have to learn something from this post,then here it is,stranger; Each thing in life has it's own value, and people tend to overestimate the value of some things.Weigh them carefully, and think twice before you become addicted with something.

You are messed up.

People have different reactions to various situations.
Some are straightforward and will respond to a given discussion with honesty,even if their reactions can be considered as blunt or even offensive by others.On the other hand, there are people who are more calm and who generally tend not to overreact or express their true emotions with ease.Such introvert people are rare nowadays, since modern society almost demands of us to stand up to our opinion and beliefs and never give ground to rejection and criticism.The same people are the ones who tend to be more sensitive and their feelings are usually prone to get hurt.You see, stranger, there is the silent but ever applicable law which governs our daily interactions; Newton's third law. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". People who talk back play fair and obey the rule.However, the latter aforementioned category of people, breaks the law.And breaking a law is punishable.Always has been, always will be.Ironically, the one who punishes these people, is no other than their own conscience.You see, there is a defense mechanism involved, whether we like it or not.Our mind will silently create an answer to any insult taken.Whether we decide to utter the words our mind created, is exclusively up to us.Take note though.These words have the bad habit of lingering inside our mind, haunting and tormenting us.
I have had my (more than fair) share of this torment throughout my life.I find many things in life to be futile, as you may have already noticed, but if there was a futility award, i would have to give it to arguing.Maybe it's just me, being set in my own ways and all.I tend to support my arguments passionately and sometimes this angers people, which in turn leads to me being insulted.But when this happens, and although i rarely find myself at a loss for words, i will just refuse to respond to the said insult and prefer to give the said person "the silent treatment".
Why i react like this, is honestly beyond me.The only certain thing is that this silence is later substituted by remorse and regret.Which only leads to more thoughts.And this would not be bad per se, but if you combine it with an already overburdened mind, things can easily get out of hand.I keep thinking and thinking, and i can't seem to stop.Maybe my mind is messed up.Maybe i am messed up.What do you say, stranger?You have read many things about me by now, you should be able to tell me.Go ahead, you can't possibly do me any more harm , it's not that i'll become a glum guy after all...

Living in the past.

Sometimes, you just have to let go. Valuable piece of advice, and you would do well to heed it,stranger.Good things are not meant to last forever. We keep repeating that to ourselves and yet every time we utter this phrase, we find it even more difficult to believe it. Few people can conform with the fact that happiness only exists in fleeting moments through our lives.Some of them, strive to relive these moments, mostly through their memories. But is this a good thing to pursue?
I wouldn't know.I have been doing it for so long now, that i have forgotten how it feels to live in the present, enjoy the moments as they come and not linger in the past.And as you may have already guessed, i once again felt the need to share my feelings with you. Your...anonymity does wonders to my shyness, stranger.I can virtually tell you anything about me, and not really care about whether you care or not.Back to the point though.A good question you could ask me if you could actually talk to me right now, would be "why do you keep living in your past"? My answer would be "Because it is far better than my present life". When i was a kid, i always thought i had it all sorted out; be born, study, work, die. With a little bit of romance, if you are lucky.However, when i grew up and started thinking a bit, reality suddenly slapped me. Years went by, and i was watching people change around me.They were becoming...uhm...adults. They were planning their future,moving ahead towards a semi-unknown destination.But in all their wisdom and careful planning, they forgot to hold on to one thing.Their purity. Success in life is rarely achieved by just being yourself, you almost always have to imitate or fake a different behavioral pattern, such as a fake smile, fake self confidence, fake sense of humor, fake interests and the list goes on and on...
I found that...repulsive,to say the least. I could hear my chaotic nature complaining, urging me violently not to become like these people, or the people they were trying to imitate, for that matter. And just like that, my life was turned upside down.If life's vicious circle involved studying, working and dying, by sacrificing a piece of your character, then yes, i knew better than that. I would cross the finish line following a different route.A detour, if you wish. I would get to keep my character, get to be me, even if that involved living in the past.Sure, some people would be annoyed, such as my family and friends.But if they enjoyed being with Bill in the first place, why would they want him to change anyway?
Up to this day, i still live happily in the past and enjoy doing things my way.This non-conventional lifestyle has made me realize loads of things i would otherwise not have been given the chance to come to terms with. It has helped me act as an observer, rather than an active participant in this life. And i have to admit i have come to cherish this role. It is quite rare for a given person, to live, act or think like me.Maybe this is not necessarily a good thing, but frankly, stranger, i don't give a shit. I still am who i always have been, unaltered by your cruel society.I live by my choices, even if these choices dictate not to have to make any due to the lack of "personal development", as most people falsely like to call it.I learned the rules,and ignored them.I seriously and genuinely wish that every person could do the same but i know it is not plausible.
For now, i shall stop here stranger.And who knows, stick around this website and i might just stop calling you that. :)