Growing Up.

It is said we all hide a kid inside us.Most people try to hide this kid in their daily lives.
With me, it is quite the opposite.
Oh, hello there stranger. Didn't see you coming.Do have a seat, i am in the beginning of my rant here.
Where was I? Ah,the kid. I have often caught myself wondering, how myself as a kid would react if i ran across me at this age. Would i like me? Would i become friends with me? I believe it is a question we should all answer sometime, for the kid inside us is worth an honest answer. But, back to me.You are here to read useless things about me that you will forget in an hour or so, remember?
If you expect to read that i have answered this question and that the answer was something along the lines of "Yeah i did have a conversation with the kid inside me and he liked what he saw, so i am a happy man" you could not be more wrong. Such things only happen in fairy tales stranger,and both you and me know that life definitely isn't one. Yes, i did talk with my kid.And if you must know what he told me...well...here it goes.

"Hello young Bill. As you may know, i am now 25 years old so it is time for you to just vanish from my life, become a dim memory of the past and eventually disappear altogether." I closed my eyes for a brief moment, waiting for him to vanish into thin air.
But not only did he stay there, staring at me with an angry look on his face,he also responded.
"I don't think so, grown up Bill." He said. "Us kids like to play games, and that is just what i shall do." He smiled. "I know we both liked to always do things our way, be different just for the sake of it, disagree just because we could, no matter how moot our arguments were.How about doing it one last time?"
I was tempted to hear what he had to say, yet afraid at the same time.Maybe he knew better.I let him continue.
"I think we should reverse roles.All adults try to hide the kids they have inside them, just like you try to do now.We are doing the opposite.I shall try to hide the adult inside a kid's character!"
For what it's worth, there is more to this story stranger. However, i have neither the time, nor the will to type it here-now.
Suffice to say, I was tempted. If you have been reading my blog you should know why. Leading a life based on a kid's mindset suddenly did not seem so immature.It was just a different way of thinking. Yes, there were drawbacks. Maybe also some communication issues with the people surrounding me. Perhaps some limitations on my daily activities would apply. Maybe i had to keep enjoying things a normal adult would not, or even refrain from visiting places an adult would, in order to spend some quality time. An alternate way of living. Originality. Isn't this what everyone strives for? There are many ways to achieve it,and one of them had manifested before me,inviting me to follow.
For those of you who want to know the end of the story, I promised young Bill that i would consider it, as i hesitantly walked away from him. But walking away from our problems tends not to be a permanent solution to anything...on the contrary, it only worsens a given situation. As you adults know.

Working and the meaning of life.

Have you ever played an RTS stranger? I guessed not. An RTS is a genre of video games in which the typical thing to do in order to win the game is have some "workers" gather resources, then use these resources in order to build better buildings, fighters and finally overcome your opponent.If you come to think of it it bears many similarities to...life.That's what we do.We begin life with 2 workers.The body and the brain.What most people do (or plan to do regardless of success), is use these 2 workers in order to gather resources (knowledge) and then use this knowledge to build buildings in turn, in order to overcome their opponents, with the word "opponents" being quite vague.Let me clarify that for you.In case you didn't know,our petty mind tends to make our short life a competition.A race if you will.This is not necessarilly bad per se, until the x-factor comes into play.It's the competitors that matter.And these competitors are our friends and neighbours.You see stranger, most people use their resources (knowledge which translates to money) to obtain better buildings and goods,just like an RTS.I think we can agree on that.Did i mention better? In order for the term "better" to exist there are two prerequisites."Good" and "Best".With "Good" being what our friends have/are.And with "Best" being what we soon opt to obtain.Do you catch my drift, stranger? It's a vicious circle.There is no "Best" and the sooner someone realises it, the more chances are he finds the true meaning of life.Someone could argue that you become better with good being no other than yourself but then again imagine you were alone in this world.Yup, you wake up one fine morning only to find out that earth has turned into a barren,desolate place and everyone except for you has dissappeared. Is there now any point in working and amassing money? You would suddenly turn to simpler things in life, like enjoying every single moment and trying to do what you were realy suppossed to do in the first place in this world, but were too busy working to look for it.You would not even begin to compare your material goods with anyone else's, for there would be noone to compare with.They would suddenly lose their value,you would suddenly feel empty.Do you see the relationship? You are only worth what they are worth.
Do not let working be the end, it should be the means to it.Completely avoid it if you can, i know i will.This will give you more time to think, and this will ultimately lead to a bettter you.You shall hence break the circle of "good-better-best", transforming it to a single line with you as a start, and the ideal you as a finish.Noone else involved.
Do not misunderstand me, i find working to be a necessary evil.Would we be able to survive without it? Probably not.Am i willing to give life without it a shot? Possibly.Have i found the meaning of life and what i am supposed to do with the time that has been granted to me? Definately.

The circle of trust.

Once again, as a human being, i feel the need to express myself.To make you think.And once again,life has taught me something i thought i could share with you.So, do try to bear with me for the next five minutes of your life which i will be oh so happy to waste.
The matter at hand is the circle of trust,our beloved people, friends,relatives,family.Some people were lucky enough to be born under the illusion of having many of them around.Others were smarter and promptly came to terms with the idea they actually had only two,best case scenario.When i grew old enough to think,i was under the impression only a bunch of people really cared about me.This idea slowly grew on me and as time passed, that feeling only got stronger.But the tides always seem to find a way to turn and just recently the Balance found a way to prove me wrong.And what a way it found! I will not go into details, i will just try to offer you the gist of my thoughts leaving you with the hard task of deciphering my words.(You should know by now that i take a twisted pleasure in doing this.)
Which are the criteria we use when we want to decide whether someone cares about us or not? Is it his attitude? Is it the kind acts he does for us? Is it his/her sense of humor? Or maybe it's a mixture of all these values....who knows?
I do. I am positive that you are thinking it's a combination of all the above.Well, i hate to break it to you stranger, but here's the tragic irony; Although you may believe that you are different (like everybody else :P) in reality the deciding factor on you calling someone a friend, is how much of a normal person he is, how rationally he reacts and responds in a given situation.And if the said person is the soul of the party, well you don't need to know anything else about him.Your struggle to add him to your circle of friends can begin.And i don't blame you.All we crazy people think everyone else is crazy, so we have to be careful not to interact with any crazy people by accident, lest we become crazy ourselves.Yeah.It's sad.So, let me tell you a secret.Try to get to know people who think you are out of your mind and criticize you all the time.Become their friend.For they have already done the first step to a good relationship.They have told you your flaws.They have been honest to you.In most cases,your best friend will never be so honest.And that is because he is your best friend and he knows you won't like it.No one likes criticism after all, it makes sense.
All in all, try to be with people who are aware of your flaws and have insulted you for them,have come to terms with them, and love you for them.For me, if someone can't predict when his words will anger me, or can't understand even my most paranoid needs, he is not really my friend.When someone tells me "don't do this, it is just not right" i die a little bit inside.Because i then know he doesn't know me so well.
Remember stranger, our individuality should never be compromised or be trifled with.The moment a friend doubts your actions, is the moment he should no longer be called a friend.A friend will bail you out of jail, but a GOOD friend will sit next to you in the cell's bench and say; "Dude we fucked up".

Your glum guy out.

Boasting; How do i win?

I hate people with an inflated self-esteem.Seriously, i do. There are so many people boasting about their skills, their knowledge, their ability to assess any given situation,their intelligence and so on and so forth. Granted, many people do not even do it on purpose when they boast about,lets say how kind they are towards others during a conversation,yet i feel angry nonetheless. Maybe it is my low self esteem that hinders my correct judgment and maybe i should probably not even care. I do however, because i happen to know that for every good thing you boast about, there are another that many bad things you are not particularly proud of which however you somehow always fail to mention. Recently i had this conversation with my sister (who takes pleasure in boasting) and i was trying to convince her that as a human being (thus faulty by nature) she tends to often exaggerate about her virtues in a futile effort to ....uhm... advertise herself to others in a given interaction, me included. I was not actually accusing her of anything, yet she somehow managed to take offense at it and the whole thing concluded in a lousy mixture of yells and shouts.And here i am wondering; why can't we people understand two really simple facts? First and foremost, it is far more rewarding when someone praises your character on his own rather than you telling him.I mean, what's the point, what is there to gain? And if he is a loved person, you don't even need to mention anything, as (s)he probably already knows your strong points.And the second thing the vast majority of people fail to understand; for every ounce of "skill" you posess in doing something, there are thousands of people in the world who can do it better than you.*Sigh* When will people come to understand that they are not the small sweet warm centre of the god damn UNIVERSE and that not everything rotates and evolves around their big phat egos? (pun intended, big sis :) )
Moving on and concluding.Once you get caught in a conversation with such a person who keeps telling you of how kind, good, caring, loving, sensitive he is, you can't win.It is a long, one way road to boredom and wasted hours of your life.So do yourself a favor and stand up from your comfy chair, shake his hand goodbye and pretend you are busy.Do what i always fail to do because you know.I am toο sensitive and caring to insult others....oh wait. Yeah whatever.As i said, it's a lose-lose situation.

The glum (and modest) guy out.

The Balance,continued.

I have been spammed with countless, numerous e-mails to explain the Balance a tad more.People who read my thoughts were impressed and want me to explain and analyze it further.Or at least that's what i want to happen.And if you payed any attention to my previous post, stranger, then you know the Balance will make it happen.So, stop reading now and go send me an e-mail asking me to continue this post.

Great. After reading your e-mails, i feel i have to elaborate a bit more on my thoughts.As i was saying in my previous post the Balance is a wicked theory.The good and bad things scale simultaneously with your will for them to happen.Let me explain. For instance, let's suppose you got the following four facts and needs going on in your life these days; 1) you are alone in life so you really could use a girlfriend. 2) You also would like to buy that new LCD TV for your room since it's Christmas but you are 500 Euros short of it's price (4000E) so can't buy it right now,but it's ok because hey, you can live without it. 3) Your mother is unfortunately really sick and is hospitalized in a clinic. 4) You have a chance to win a DVD player in a competition you participated in, some days ago.Pay attention now; If you really want (1) to happen, i can guarantee that it will happen soon-ish. However, when it does happen, (3) will also end up in a bad way for you.If you are a stupid person though, and are more concerned with (4), congratulations you will win the DVD, but in compensation, i doubt you will find these 500E to buy a new LCD TV before the next Christmas. Now let's say you somehow have a very good friend who decides to buy you that TV as a present. The same person will "force" you to fail in (4). And if by any chance your mother is so ill that there is nothing for the doctors to do in order to save her...well....have fun with your new girlfriend who you will meet in a short time.See how it goes? Sounds quite complicated, but if you believe in this pattern, you will find out that there are things you can do to tip the scales of balance towards your real needs.For example, let's say you met this new girl yesterday and she is AWESOME, but in the morning while you were browsing the Internet, you stumbled upon this blog.Guess what. Do NOT try to see this girl again, until (3) is resolved. This way you are forcing your relationship with the girl to go bad, so that you get a more favorable treatment with your mother.See the pattern here? I believe you can master the technique if you try it for some time and of course if you are willing to believe in my theory.That's all i have to say about this matter, half of the fun in balance is thinking of it yourself and practicing with your life.Go now stranger, nothing to more to read here.Shut down your PC and go spend money somewhere.As for me, i have to stop typing and go visit my father in clinic...oh wait.

Let's even things out a bit.

Destiny.Fate.Who defines it? Certainly not you or me, dear stranger.Welcome back to my page, by the way.How have things been for you?Not that i really care of course, it was just a filler question.(Hint; if someone asks you this question in the future, do not even begin to presume that he actually cares about how things have been for you.Yeah i know,sad but it's true.)
Your glum guy has changed quite a bit in these last few days.Not that he is not glum anymore of course.I am still here to lower your inflated self esteem, make you feel one with the masses,force you to doubt and reconsider your most deeply established ideals and beliefs just for a fleeting moment.And if yours truly manages to do that, you can be certain he will cease to be glum for a bit and feel a small breeze of accomplishment.I cherish the idea of making people feel down to earth, for humility is a value long lost nowadays stranger, and people who still radiate it in their everyday expressions are well sought after as friends, advisors and partners.
As i foretold, i have changed a bit in the last few days as we all have,knowingly or not.And i have been thinking.I have been thinking that every person in this world needs something to believe in, something or someone who will never let him down.In most peoples' minds, this need is fulfilled by the term "God".Funny, isn't it? They claim to have found the answer to all their questions through a means that stubbornly refuses to communicate with them with no way other than signs, which can as well be interpreted as mere hallucinations.The same people tend to mindlessly conform to everything their religion (i.e set of behavior rules ironically) dictates and regurgitate words of wisdom from dusty old scripts.
I have always strived to avoid that mindset,so i have lately been thinking about finding my version of the divine.Whether i have found it or not still remains a mystery for me, however do allow me to humbly offer you my alternate way of thinking.
What has always driven me insane in this world is injustice.I can cope with anything else but injustice.A little bit of me dies inside every time i encounter a man or woman lacking the basic means to survive.And these means usually translate to the most hated thing this world has to offer; money.When i walk out of my home (which is rare nowadays by the way) i feel sad,because i know i will have to face this social phenomenon which in Greece is even more striking.Every single passerby should be going someplace different than another, at any given day or time proving his individuality with his lifestyle, yet i know they all have the same purpose when all is said and done.They are going somewhere to pay. Or they are going somewhere to make money in order to spend them somewhere else. This conclusion may or may not strike you as odd, but when you come to think about it it is disturbingly true.We have become slaves of our financial assets.And this, stranger, is a vicious and never ending circle. We have to work every day and we have come to like it. We like it because in the end of the day/month/hour we will get payed,enabling us to work again and so on and so forth.So what does injustice have to do with money? I bet you can figure that out by yourself, no need for me to elaborate.
So, my dumb self had to find a way to justify the reason things are the way the are.And you know how our mind works.When you can't find a rational reason for the events that surround you, you turn to the divine.
I will name my God "The Balance".
For every good thing that happens to you,there is an evenly bad thing just around the corner, stalking you,waiting around the corner for the right time to strike.This of course works both ways.The balance in my opinion can be tailored to your likes and dislikes.Good things are usually the things you want to happen to you.That's right.The more you want something to happen to you, the more likely it is to happen.However,bad things...well let's say they are different.

Rumor has it...

Hey there stranger.
At least i hope you are a stranger, because people i know only read this so that they can tell me they have read it once we meet in real life, i doubt anyone of them has any sort of interest in my blurbs.So, dear stranger i can't help but notice that you are back again in this humble little corner of the Internet that i call home.("Home" is metaphoric, my homepage is Google, d'oh.).Yeah, i like bad jokes too.
Today you shall read more of my thoughts,and i know you have been eagerly waiting for this moment to come,for you have nothing to do in your spare time, thus you are reading stupid blogs like this.Do you know what i like about you, stranger? The fact that you know nothing about me.This alone makes a wonderful reason for me to open my heart to you, share my deepest thoughts with you, and then scurry away from any criticism.Not that there would be any sort of criticism, mind, you.(Do ignore the "Comments" button though).
Anyway, time is -and has always been- unforgiving to those who waste it so i will get fast to my pointless point.Mr Stranger, i got a problem; I have been brought to believe by my close relatives and friends that i am smart.They won't stop telling me how smart i am and how easy it is for me to become something big in my life.(i hope they were not referring to my weight, as i was kind of...voluptuous in the past to say the least.).It is like a conspiracy i tell you! My failures are never noticeable, there is always something doable for me to undo my mistakes,everyone keeps praising me for my mind,my family and friends pretend to be in awe of my superior intellect!I believe this has led me into bad things, stranger.
To start with, i never believed that myself.I always thought i am a simple layman, the average Joe if you will.As years passed by though, and i grew older, this spam made me curious.I had to investigate if i was smart! I took some IQ tests, i conversed with some REALLY smart people, i tried to pass my exams with minimal studying, i started arguing with common sense in my conversations for no apparent reason trying to prove everyone wrong.Nothing was proving i was that smart! But people kept telling me how smart i was, without enough evidence to back it up.The situation was driving me up the wall, stranger, so i decided the reverse psychology thingy.I started acting absurdly, forgetting things on purpose, asking people stupid questions, agreeing with everything no matter how irrational it was.And it felt good.It felt me.But..but...but! Nobody seemed to notice this change of behavior, people were still applauding and commenting on my mental skills.I didn't know what to do, seriously.But i had to do something, this situation was making me sick.
So i did the worst i could have done.I started trusting this virtual intelligence of mine,never having second thoughts about any of my decisions,leaving everything to luck and instinct.I knew it was wrong, something deep inside me was telling me to stop doing it, think carefully before making any decisions.But my heart was telling me that i had to prove to my environment and myself whether i was really smart or not and apparently this was the way it had found to do that.The moment i type these lines that you are reading stranger, i still don't know whether i am smart or not.Hell, i don't even know how a smart person looks like or behaves or interacts with others.
My conclusion is that maybe all of us rush to classify ourselves, our beloved ones and everyone we care about as "smart".Because as human beings, we have to assure ourselves that only smart people surround us.Because all in all, this makes us smart too to the observer.It gives us a subconscious sense of silent approval from this cruel world and people that we are forced to interact with every day in our lives.
So, next time you want to call someone smart, don't do it, i beg you.He may go and write a blog like mine....and as you have already noticed, every time you read a post in my blog,your IQ drops a little. :)

The glum guy out.

Why so glum?

You may wonder why i am so glum.Or you may wonder who i am.Or why you are reading this.So many things to wonder, you don't even know what to wonder about.Let me let you in a secret.Wondering about something is bad.It takes the magic off the given situation, emotion,person etc.So, stop wondering about what you will read next for a moment.
Did you stop wondering? Great.Now, sit comfortably, because this is going to be a long read, and most probably meaningless.In fact, i would not even advise you to read this.Just click that small "x" button at the top right corner of your screen,because after you have read this, you will regret the time you spent reading it.See? You have already spent about 2 minutes of your life reading this, and yet you learned nothing, nothing at all.
Since you are still here reading, i see there is no way i can get rid of you.You asked for it then, here are my thoughts; First of all, i am afraid.Don't wonder what i am afraid of, as you agreed to stop wondering a few lines before.I am afraid of this thing we are all afraid of, but are to afraid to admit it; Whether my life will be a fulfilling one, full of great experiences, or an empty life that will lead me nowhere.Because there comes a time when we are old and we have to reach a verdict.Was it worth it? And the answer just can't come out.
The truth is i don't know what to do with the time that was given to me to live.Mind you, it could be one day or another 70 years.But what difference does it make? My cause in life is lost, if there ever was one.Yes i do enjoy some fleeting moments of happiness.But is this enough? Sometimes i think that i keep thinking too much, sometimes i think that i can't think enough and sometimes i think there is no point in thinking.Ironic, eh? I don't have the will or the courage to settle with long term goals and achieve them as the years pass.And I don't even know why.You will now probably try to think of an answer to my problem just to prove to yourself that you can readily answer any question about life by an unknown guy from the Internet.You can't.You simply can't because you don't know me yet,stranger.And just because i doubt you want to get to know me( and also because i am sleepy), i must bid you here farewell.If you ever want to read something pointless again, do visit my blog again.I am sure i will have something for you.

The glum guy.