Picking up roses.

I will not apologize just because I haven't written anything here in a long time. There was a good reason for that, possibly still is. I was interacting with people. For a couple of years now, it feels like people are attracted to my weirdness. I always thought I gave off waves of calmness and happiness-some sort of a silent acceptance towards a specific type of people- which acted like a magnet. You see, I am the kind of man somebody learns quickly how to love-like,depend upon, or even sympathize with but may not be fond of in the first place.This hasn't always been a good thing for me, so recently I have been trying to switch my magnet off.  It's almost as if I want to scare people away for fear they might like me. Are you still with me? You deserve this post then.
Sure enough, I am a happy person. I follow my self established dogma religiously and seldom stray far from it. This has led me to a balanced life, with just enough ingredients to make it spicy. I have my convictions which dictate my -often absolute- thoughts and judgement. I am decisive, honest and almost never offend people. I have turned my hobby into a profession and enjoy every moment  I work.I am passionate and give a 100% at everything I do. People appreciate these things because they are rare, I get it. That said, there are some consequences.
Try to imagine some people walking in a desert, when suddenly they spot an oasis. It is only logical they are going to rush to it, to quench their thirst, right? That's what happens with me. I feel like people see in me some virtues they would love to have (but don't) and they try to be part of the life of your's truly. And while this may not be bad per se, it does disturb the water in the oasis. Think about it; Once you are no longer thirsty, (or realize the oasis was just a hallucination) you will want to continue your journey, or find the next stop.Or maybe you are just on an excursion and now ready to go back to base (yes I am looking at you, you know who you are). But you have left your footprints on the sand, and you were so thirsty that you drank half of the water in the pond. And you left without having given anything back, so the poor oasis feels betrayed, disturbed and used. In fact, the oasis feels so sad and bitter that decides to poison the water so that the next one who drinks from it becomes sick (or dies for all I care). Yes, I am that good.
I think you get the picture. The previous paragraph kind of describes my past relationships. Or at least how they ended. Sure enough, there was a good basis and they were precious to me, but I can't help but feel disappointed when all is said and done. I'll skip further details. The point is, I am not so sure I learned my lesson. And it's already time for my next test.
Sometimes I wish people came with an instruction manual. Sometimes I don't want to mess up and tread carefully within a relationship. This is one of these times. She comes with a mirror, but it looks partly broken. Her footsteps echo in the sand and I can only hope she's here to stay.  She also looks thirsty, but carries a half-empty water pouch. There's someone with her but oblivious to my presence.
I think she's looking for something beautiful but she doubts she will find anything in this desert. Oh man! Can't wait till she sees this rose here. Let's just hope she doesn't prick her finger when she tries to pick it up, for she is already bleeding.

The gloves are off.

Keeping a healthy balance between character and ego is often one of the hardest things to do in life. Most of the time, it leads to tense dialogues (or even monologues) as well as disturbed social relationships. A person has to really be able to understand your way of thinking in order not to misinterpret your words or even your reactions. And this is usually where the going gets tough.

I've always been the one to shy away from certain conversations, involving but not limited to criticism and opinion giving. That's mainly because I tend to snob what one of the first things people invoke during an argument. Most of them call it "common sense". It is a wicked thing. People unknowingly hide some of their biggest virtues behind that term, just to sway you towards a mindset commonly used by the mindless masses.

Lately, I have figured out that the only way out of this is to take the gloves off and -mind you- I own many a pair. 

In the end, people should enjoy you for who you are, not for who you encourage them to be. Everybody wants to hear flattering lies from time to time and I have recently decided not to play along. So far this attitude has served me well with no major misunderstandings within a social context. What happens when it moves on to a professional level is another matter though.
People will judge you for many different things nowadays. Not recognising their selves in you is one of the most common. The question I raise is this; Is it better to sometimes try to imitate them in order to achieve a condescending node from a said person? We tend to love people who agree with us and if you care about someone, is there truly a better way to force him to be lovable than to brainwash him into thinking like you?
Probably not. Maybe it is better not to be loved at all. Maybe we only need ourselves in this world after all.
We were to designed to be different anyway, why compromise that for such a vague value as "love"? Everyone loves on different terms anyway which in my book makes it kind of impossible to genuinely understand each other. And this problem stems from our egos mainly, but grows rapidly as we age and become more stubborn. Think about it; We start life with two people who genuinely love us, but in the process of growing up society poisons our mind with its unhealthy criteria of what love is. Some of us end up doubting even the most sacred relationship a person has, that of his parents.
For me, there is only one way to combat this. Hang on to your values as a person. The more different you are from others, the more good it will do you. Keep your distance from fake emotions and have second thoughts about everything that touches you in a humane level. Some times the heart is a really terrible liar after all.

Compromise.

Hey you.

Just thought I'd drop by and share some wisdom with you. You get to know a little more about me and become that much wiser yourself in the process.So yeah, keep on reading as you always do.
Today's subject is going to be compromise. Lately I have been feeling less stable-more fragile.It is as if my long term values in life have taken a major blow and are on the verge of collapsing. I do not yet know what has caused this but I do my best to find out.The only good thing that has come out of it, is that nowadays I feel more prepared to face people daily. I don't avoid eye contact any more, I sometimes actually choose to sit next to people in a bus and I do not walk that fast now. In a nutshell, I am more social.
For me, changing my behaviour has always been cause and effect. I would change the way I looked, talked, laughed, even reacted, according to who I would be with. This has been something very easy for me to do, no matter how weird it sounds. I believe everyone does it every now and then, but I would become a totally different person while doing it. Have I lost my real self in the process, you ask. Had I ever found it, is my reply. Has any of us found it, or really knows himself for that matter? I sincerely doubt it. I believe life is -or at least should be- a big compromise. You give up on things to obtain other things. Literally and metaphorically. We only have that much time available to us, alas, we cannot do everything we wish.
The real question is, what are you willing to compromise in order to obtain something valuable you have found? And how easy is it to judge things and foresee the impact they have in your
life? Would I dare to pursue something uncertain and risk losing something established in it's place? I have figured out that it ultimately boils down to two things; the voice of reason within you and the voice of your emotions.

A shame they always contradict each other.

So what does a confused Bill do when facing this choice? I do not really have the answer to that, and knowing how much is at stake I think my compromise this time should be a really careful one...

Doing nothing and feeling good about it.

I am a parent's nightmare. Thus, I hereby proclaim myself the worst child a couple could ever have. Ask my parent(s) about it.
Why?
Because I will not do it. Especially if YOU tell me to do it and it's good for me.Or if it involves other people as well.Or if most people do it.Or if it requires going somewhere other than my comfort zone, which is my room. The conclusion? "He's lazy and stubborn".
No. I am not.
I am actually pretty open minded. And when it comes to laziness, it could be far worse. A common misconception is that people tend to characterise someone as "lazy" when he refuses to do something they perceive as "the right thing to do". Well, it has never occurred to these people that "the right thing to do" is as vague a phrase as it can be. Our minds classify things that most people do as "normal behaviour".
I beg to differ.
I consider life as a big theatrical play, with the actors being prisoners, in a scenery created by themselves. The audience of course, is their offspring. And it would all be well and good, if you took out the word "prisoners", eh? Unfortunately, that is not the case.
The aforementioned behavioural code is what has turned people into prisoners. And I am using "turn into" because we are not born like that. We are born with a wonderful omnipotent mind, whose creativity knows no bounds. As we grow up though, we are restricted into adopting several stereotypical reactions and behavioural patterns which in turn only leads us to become prisoners of our ever shrinking fantasy.Before we know it, our fantasy is gone, and all that is left is what adults refer to as "logic".
On the other hand, someone could argue that logic is what constantly aids the advancement of civilization. Sure, but that's just because people are in no way, shape or form able to control their own greediness.
To cut a long story short, do I have the cure for this contagious disease called logic? Sure I do. But when I created this antidote called "inactivity", I accidentally drank the whole bottle and now don't have any more to give you. Mind you, there are side effects as well so I doubt you would want any in the first place.

Vasilis

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The "ish" suffix.

Hi. I do not know if you still remember me, or even know who I am. Hell, I don't know who I am.
Maybe I am a fragile shell of a man, or maybe I am the person who is going to change your life. What I do know however, is that I do not belong to gray scale. I am either black, or white. If the last sentence did not make any sense to you whatsoever, stop reading my blog and go do something more interesting.
For those of you who are still here, thank you and well done. Either you know me too well, or you are interested in knowing me.
As I said, I would never do anything I don't usually enjoy. I hear you saying "big deal, it's the same with me". Well, you don't know the half of it. My daily routine is as simple as 1,2,3. OK, it's actually four if it is Sunday. But, only recently, a fifth thing intruded this peaceful and simple equation! (Yes that was an intended exclamation mark and it is the first one I have used for this blog).
So, this fifth thing is really evil. It can talk and it is truthful. Sure, it cares about me, but says my life is only OK-ish. Why this is bad was beyond me, but this thing insisted I should change that. And man, is it persuasive! (make that a dot instead of an exclamation mark, i can't be bothered to press backspace). So, what I really hated about this remark, is the "ish" suffix. Because, you see, I don't do "ish". I am either black or white, but never "ISH". This thing was sipping its coffee and kept on exposing my life and when I dared to say that I enjoyed the way I do things, it went absolutely ballistic!
Yet, I could somehow see its point. Don't get me wrong, I am used to having people around me expect things from me that I just don't want to deliver and have no problem ignoring them, but what I really appreciated was the way I was told these things. It turned my language against me, these were the same words I would have used. And on top of all, it had a lovely accent! I do not know if it is right and even if it is, I would never admit it, but I certainly found the solution it gave me...intriguing to say the least. Sure it involves changing my mindset a lot, becoming social, waiting and gathering.These are things I hate. But in the end, I was promised a great reward. A ladder. And when I climb this ladder, I just might reach my dream, which currently resides up above me in the sky, patiently waiting for me for the last 10 years.(Yes it is a long ladder, it promised.) But, as Balance would have it, the ladder is only wide enough for one person to use.
What about you stranger? Have you got a ladder?

The Glummest Guy.

When you live in the dark,there are some things you can't see.And we were both blind, you know.But neither of us would openly acknowledge it, each one for his own varying reasons.If I had to find a common reason, that would be pride.

But now, in this final moment of self criticism, now, in his absence, I finally got cured.It was almost a sacrifice, a final act of goodwill and salvation most probably, which allowed me to see a bit further and realise a thing or two in life. The more a man ages and matures, the more he comes to understand his stupidity.

And only now do I see how stupid I have been.Stupid because I never thought a man can be so heroic.Stupid because I never thought that boasting doesn't have to be the only reason for a man to share with you his awe-inspiring life stories.Stupid because I failed to understand that the only way to persuade a stubborn 25 year old man that he is wrong in his lifestyle is to openly insult him.

I can see now, though.And among other significant things, whose presence I had been knowingly ignoring, I also see that I am hugely indebted.I am more than willing to try to repay this huge debt,which up to now I had so unctuously been overlooking, but alas, some debts can never be truly repaid.It is too late now anyway.

The only thing left now are memories.Bittersweet memories of the most peculiar type of love and affection two people can share.I know this testament is far from adequate to reflect my gratitude towards him and everything he has done for me.But I somehow also know that he approves it.

R.I.P

Isolation.

I am not a social person, stranger. As a matter of fact, i am on the verge of being characterised as quite an anti-social one. I never manage to spend some quality time when i find myself among many people. Maybe it's the stereotypical masquerade that irks me. As i conceive it, people tend to lose themselves when they flock somewhere in order to have a good time. This observation does not necessarily extend to a large scale. Someone has to look no further than an average sized company of four to five people, socializing in a coffee shop. You may hear laughter whereas i will hear hypocrisy. You may hear compliments. I will hear lies. You may hear tales of generosity. I will hear contemptuous pity. You may hear good-willed comments on other's lives. I will hear bitter gossiping.
Good morning, by the way.
I have been trying to track down the reason why i am so hard on people and i believe i have recently come to a conclusion; Friendship is seldom a selfless act. Infact, i firmly believe that friendship is in reality one of the most selfish feeling a person can feel nowadays. With a strict emphasis on the word "nowadays". Pure friendship is a virtue long gone from our world. But where are my manners, let me explain this to your conventional, ever adapting cheerful egoism. Our criteria of forming a friendship with someone, are usually things we admire about the said person. But here lies the controversy (almost a silent conspiracy if you ask me) in this;
Most adults will rarely openly admit that they admire someone for his/her qualities that pushed him/her to befriend the said person. Why, i hear you asking. Because, of course, we are always after what we lack and admitting to it will only hurt our egos. Let me give you an example in order to clarify things for you. I have a friend (oh, the irony).Let's name him Mr. X for now. Mr X's best friend is a very outgoing and social person. Me (and everyone else who knows Mr X) can clearly see that he is not so social, yet his best friend is the exact opposite. For all the time i have known Mr X, not once has he admitted that his social behaviour is lacking and yet, if someone observes him, he can easily tell that Mr X is trying to immitate his best friend's behaviour when he is among others. Why did Mr X choose to be with that person? To learn from him, to try and fool himself (and others) that he can also have his moment of glory and taste social approval. You may argue that Mr X is an isolated example, yet i could type and type and type until the end of the week about things i have observed on people i know and the friendships they form. I therefore believe my thesis is so strong, that it gives me the right to think this way. And yes, i do know people who seem to have pure friendships but most of the times these are people i have not bothered to observe better. Ergo, the usual guideline for a typical friendship nowadays is "Get what you need, and have some fun in the meantime. Try to act like everyone else and hide the small details that distinguish your personality and make you who you are, in order not to be called a weirdo." This is the only way to social approval and good, long, fake friendships. And as a final note, no, i didn't recently have a good friendship go bad nor am i hurt by a friend.
Back to me though. You wouldn't be reading this if you didn't want to learn more about me, eh? Right. As i was saying, i prefer to be hated for what I am, rather than loved for something I am not. That's why very few people bother to get to know me better. Make no mistake though, i wouldn't have it any other way. I enjoy my privacy, for i like to observe. And this hard earned privacy demands sacrifices. One of them, is being constantly glum and anti-social. Very few people will ever realise that my usual silence does indeed serve a purpose. It's not that I think i have nothing to say with them and it's certainly not that I look down on them. I just don't talk much because i only talk when i have something worthy to say.
However-and since i have made a promise to myself to be honest when writing in this blog- there is another side to this coin as well. This isolation has recently taken it's toll on me. During the last days, i have been feeling...lonely, to say the least. This is also one of the reasons i have not written here for some time now. I am feeling isolated and depressed. And since i tend to overanalyse things that happen in my life, i have already found one or two possible causes for it, which would however be stupid to share with you at this time, stranger. I know you want to hear the drama, not the solution to it.
I feel...exposed. It's as if the whole world has somehow found the way to rightfully judge me for my choices, my character and all i stand for in my life. I was not even given the chance to justify why i am like this. I see people who i thought cared about me, standing still and not helping me any more. I see people whose trustworthiness i would swear upon, silently moving away from me emotionally. I feel cold and alone. I finally feel like a true adult.

The path ahead.

Greetings from Skiathos, stranger. What is Skiathos, i hear you asking. It is a small island in Sporades, Greece. Your glum guy has been visiting this island for 5 years now.And no, it's not because i like it so much.There are certain circumstances which dictate me to be here once or twice per year, none of your business to be honest.And if you don't like my attitude, click the red "X" in the upper right corner of your browser.And yes, i am angry.I am angry because i am supposed to be on vacation, and still i keep thinking of worrying things.I visit the beach and instead of ordering a drink, i think about how different my life would be if, lets say, i had never decided to learn English.I swear, i have to stop thinking and relax some.If you have any ideas on how i can achieve that, feel free to tell ne.No, i won't type my email here, use the comment box, duh.
Anyway, back to the point.Just an hour ago, i was thinking of something worth sharing.Something big enough to keep a person busy for the rest of his life,yet small enough to fit in a 50 lines blogger post.
I was thinking of the path ahead,stranger, and how it slowly unfolds before our eyes during our daily lifes.Sometimes, this happens without us even noticing it.If you don't believe in fate, stop reading and go away,shoo.(Still a bit angry.)
During our life, there come times when we must make decisions based on some criteria which influence us at that time.Little do we realise what an important role these minor details have in our destination.For example,since i am still a bit angry as i said, i am going to be glum for the rest of the evening.This in turn may influence my girlfriend, who is going to spend her evening with me, which could lead to her feeling bad as well, and in turn her life may take a whole different course than the one it would have taken if i had decided to stop thinking about stupid things and just relax and sip my stupid drink at the beach.I have therefore concluded that we should be really careful about how we react to some things.Our smallest action contains a lurking reaction, which could alter a great deal of things,whether we know it or not.
Yet, there are some things that need to be done.We cannot avoid them.One of these things is national service.(military service).
I was never the one to be proud of my country, and therefore i can't say i am fond of the idea of military service.With that said, i tried to prolong the inevitable for as long as i could.However,i recently decided that the time has come for me to join the ranks as an infantry soldier, and that there was no point delaying it any longer.With that decision, i set my path for the next 8 months. Reactions followed suit from my relatives,friends,family,girlfriend.I couldn't care less about some of them,but for some of them,i knew that my decision would play a quite important role for their lives too.I took my time and pondered my decision in the long run.And a question arose.Are these people ready to follow MY path, based on MY decisions,whether they know it or not? I must be the judge of this unfortunately.It is a grim task, albeit a necessary one. The people who surround us should be ready to follow us, as we should be ready to follow them.Even if some sacrifices are involved.Mark my words stranger,when you decide it's time for a change in your life and before you set off to follow that path, do take a close look at the people that you think you trust. and would like to bring along to that path.They may have a different opinion and be unable to share it with you.

And just because i know you need a funny relevant picture...

Bad Habits.

Some things in life are just too addictive. You start doing them and you just can't stop. Most people have been part of an addiction at least once or twice in their life which they usually refer at as "a hobby". As long as you keep enjoying this hobby of yours, and as long as it doesn't cost you valuable time from your life, everything is fine. You kill some time, perhaps also have fun and possibly meet new people. But what happens when this hobby slowly begins to take up most of your time,and people near you begin to notice that you devote less and less time to them?
Things can get really ugly, I should know. I used to play a game,called World of Warcraft (WoW).You may or may not have heard of it stranger, odds are that you have.I began playing casually,but slowly while I was playing, I realized that there was some serious competition involved in that game.The more you were playing,the better your character would be. I am a competitive person by nature,stranger. I like being the best at what I do. These facts combined, I ended up spending more and more time in this game,ignoring many people in my life, such as my friends (those who had not yet succumbed to it already at least) and more importantly, my girlfriend Christine.I was addicted, it was functioning like a drug for me.All the attempts my relatives and family were making to wake me up, make me realize that it was just a waste of time playing 6-7 hours per day were in vain.All I was seeing were pixels in front of a computer screen changing shapes and colors.Yes, I did meet some worthy people in that game, even made some friends.But I almost stopped meeting Christine and hanging out with my friends.I was becoming an e-zombie,playing WoW all day. I was someone else in that game,someone i enjoying being.I was leading groups of adventurers into raiding a mythical monster's lair,instructing them and guiding them, and simultaneously losing my social life and money.I was so deeply addicted, that apart from the countless hours I would spend playing the game, I would often visit other sites and learn how to make WoW gold, or learn which the last piece of good equipment for my character was.
Four years I was playing that game. Looking back now, I want them back.But I know nobody can give them back to me. All I am left with are the experiences I had in game and at least some of them are quite nice, I might add. Maybe I was supposed to learn something from all these years. Move on, evaluate some things in life that are usually taken for granted.And I did.
After I stopped WoW and became semi-social again, I started appreciating the small joys of life a bit more, became more talkative and generally a happier person.I promised not to ever let a bad habit-or hobby for that matter- take over all my spare time again and instead divide this valuable gift in many different activities.If you have to learn something from this post,then here it is,stranger; Each thing in life has it's own value, and people tend to overestimate the value of some things.Weigh them carefully, and think twice before you become addicted with something.

You are messed up.

People have different reactions to various situations.
Some are straightforward and will respond to a given discussion with honesty,even if their reactions can be considered as blunt or even offensive by others.On the other hand, there are people who are more calm and who generally tend not to overreact or express their true emotions with ease.Such introvert people are rare nowadays, since modern society almost demands of us to stand up to our opinion and beliefs and never give ground to rejection and criticism.The same people are the ones who tend to be more sensitive and their feelings are usually prone to get hurt.You see, stranger, there is the silent but ever applicable law which governs our daily interactions; Newton's third law. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". People who talk back play fair and obey the rule.However, the latter aforementioned category of people, breaks the law.And breaking a law is punishable.Always has been, always will be.Ironically, the one who punishes these people, is no other than their own conscience.You see, there is a defense mechanism involved, whether we like it or not.Our mind will silently create an answer to any insult taken.Whether we decide to utter the words our mind created, is exclusively up to us.Take note though.These words have the bad habit of lingering inside our mind, haunting and tormenting us.
I have had my (more than fair) share of this torment throughout my life.I find many things in life to be futile, as you may have already noticed, but if there was a futility award, i would have to give it to arguing.Maybe it's just me, being set in my own ways and all.I tend to support my arguments passionately and sometimes this angers people, which in turn leads to me being insulted.But when this happens, and although i rarely find myself at a loss for words, i will just refuse to respond to the said insult and prefer to give the said person "the silent treatment".
Why i react like this, is honestly beyond me.The only certain thing is that this silence is later substituted by remorse and regret.Which only leads to more thoughts.And this would not be bad per se, but if you combine it with an already overburdened mind, things can easily get out of hand.I keep thinking and thinking, and i can't seem to stop.Maybe my mind is messed up.Maybe i am messed up.What do you say, stranger?You have read many things about me by now, you should be able to tell me.Go ahead, you can't possibly do me any more harm , it's not that i'll become a glum guy after all...